


O, the Irony That Is "Royal Mail"

by ruethereal



Series: Of Silly Magic Tricks, Unicorns, and Single Fatherhood [6]
Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-08-19
Updated: 2010-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:17:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruethereal/pseuds/ruethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the same universe as <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/107911">What Two Pence Are Really Worth</a>: Merlin and Mordred make pen pals of each other!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. From Mordred To Merlin, with Love and Dinner Invites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events in [What Two Pence Are Really Worth](http://archiveofourown.org/works/107911).

To my loyal advisor, Emmy,

 

Thank you very much for your letter.  It was prompt and well received.  A fair bit of it was apologizing, which I think I deserve because, not only did you leave me at the hands of Father, but you also failed to wish me ‘Good night.’  He laughed very much like a manly man as I said this.  Oh, yes, let me clarify two things.  First, I’ve decided to call him ‘Father’ from now on, as it’s what a prince would say.  Second, I am dictating my reply for him to write.  I am, of course, overseeing its production.  It’s what a responsible prince would do.  But I am also a kind prince, and so, I hope you never again feel the need to apologize so profusely.

You will be glad to know that Mother (who was on time) and Father got on fairly well this afternoon.  Not once did she call him a “boring sod,” nor did he call her a “spiteful twat” more than twice.  A successful parent-teacher conference, I’d say.  Having consulted Father, it seems I’ve yet to inform you of my new teacher.  He looks very much like Father, though far more gallant as knights go.  So, with his permission, I now get to call him “Sir Leon.”  He told me himself he is honored to be dubbed a knight of my future kingdom.  Mother said I was being silly, but Father said it’s all in good fun.  I believe they’re both wrong: I’m very serious.  I’ve gladly shouldered a great burden, taking the title of “prince.”

Father says this letter is long enough, and that he has to get dinner ready.  I warmly extend you an invitation to dine with us later in the week.  I’ll make sure he prepares something proper.

 

Your princely friend,

Mordred


	2. From Merlin To Mordred, with Love (and Treats for Arthur)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events in [What Two Pence Are Really Worth](http://archiveofourown.org/works/107911).

For my prince only,

 

(But I expect you’re reading this aloud, Arthur, so hello to you, too.)

I was indeed glad to know that your mum and dad contained their bickering for the afternoon.  If not for your sake, then for Sir Leon’s—who sounds like a pleasant fellow, I’m proud to serve you beside him and your father.  How is your transfer school treating you, Sire?  With your noblest of pedigree and upbringing, I’m sure you will do us all proud.

Never doubt my faith in you as your court sorcerer.  I have every intention of providing you with support, encouragement, and white hot chocolate in any situation, should the need ever arise.  You also have my vote of confidence.  You may be a young prince, but you’ve already the makings of a great king, Mordred.

Just this morning, on my way to uni, I stumbled upon Geoffrey, the stray cat you mentioned the other night.  You were right in calling him humorously austere for a wandering feline.  The way he looked at me, it was as if he was scolding me for being late, while at the same time demanding food.  I apologized as properly as I could without appearing mad to passersby, then gave him a piece of my bagel.  I hadn’t a chance to toast it, so it was cold, but he seemed satisfied nonetheless.

Your dinner invitation is sincerely appreciated.  I hope to take you up on the offer, though I regret to inform you that I will not be available until the weekend.  I hope this will not be taken as a discourtesy by either of you fine, gracious men.  To make up for it, I vow to arrive bearing gifts for you both.

(074xx xxxxxx, my mobile number for you, Arthur, for when you have details regarding dinner.)

 

Your devoted servant,

Emmy


	3. From Mordred To Merlin, Delivered on Horseback (or Dragon-back or Aslan-back or Beaver-back)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events in [Our Cookie Cutter Is Bent](http://archiveofourown.org/works/108586).

To Emmy,

 

It is my last morning with Mother.  She just left to go to her office to get her laptop because she forgot it.  She needs it because she said she would write my letter to you.  But I’m tired of waiting and have decided to write it myself.  Because it is you, I chose this maroon crayon.  It is one of my favorites.

I was very happy to see you yesterday.  I’m only sad that it was only in the morning.  We didn’t stop at your work for drinks because I fell asleep on the way home.  Mother says she tried waking me but she must not have tried very hard.  I would wake up to see you and drink white hot coco.  But we mustn’t be too disappointed with her.  She was tired too.

We went to the zoo.  Mother was very interested in the scaly animals.  We spent a lot of time in the reptile house for her.  I asked if she was looking for a dragon and told her they only live in caves with bears.  We had to leave right after because she was laughing too loud and upsetting the other mothers.  We both enjoyed the horses too.  There was one that was very grey.  It made me think of Sir Papa even though Sir Papa doesn’t run like the horse did.  There was also one that was very blonde like Father.  But my favorite was brown with a black mane and tail.  I was going to feed it a carrot but I didn’t want to touch the carrot.  We also saw a lion.  Lions are very blonde too and it made me think of Sir Leon.  The names even sound the same.

Thank you very much for the gifts you gave me at dinner.  I didn’t know Canadians put beavers on their coins and you were right to think I would like beavers because of Narnia.  I like it just as much as the coin with two heads but Father says I mustn’t use it to cheat when making wagers with my friends.  Mother says that means I can use it to cheat when making wagers with my enemies.  I think she’s right because she’s a lawyer.

She will be back soon.  I hope she won’t be too upset that she went to work for no reason now that I wrote my letter by myself.  If she gets angry I hope it isn’t so much that she won’t make honey toast or buy me a new maroon crayon because I miss her honey toast even though it’s always burnt and this crayon is very flat now.

 

Your friend,

Prince Mordred


	4. From Merlin To Mordred (and Arthur)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events in [Our Cookie Cutter Is Bent](http://archiveofourown.org/works/108586).

Prince Mordred (and Sir Arthur),

 

As you can see, I am also handwriting this letter.  It’s only fair because you put the effort into writing your previous letter.  But, as you can also see, I’m writing with a felt-tip pen.  Alas, I have no crayons.

I cannot thank you enough for the wonderful dinner several nights ago.  (Chicken Marsala was a very pleasant surprise.  I wish I’d known so I could bring an appropriate wine to accompany it.  I will next time.)  Your home is lovely and you both make fantastic company.  (I had no idea you were such a devoted _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ fan, Arthur!  Honestly, all the DVDs?  So unexpected!)  I only wish I could return the favor and invite you to my flat, but unfortunately I share it with two friends and it’s embarrassingly filthy.  Though, I’m sure you would like to meet Lancelot, Sire.  He would also make a fitting knight.  Will, not so much.

I enjoyed seeing you that morning as well.  And I am very flattered to know that you would wake from a car-ride nap just to see me.  You and your mum and dad are always welcome to the café.  I have Gwen’s expressed permission to give you anything you want for free.

I had no idea bears and dragons share caves.  I will keep that in mind the next time I poke around a cave, though I can’t decide which creature frightens me more.  Was there, by any chance, a white horse with a black mane and tail?  Don’t you think that sounds like what you, your mum, and I would look like as horses?  Perhaps I should visit the zoo.  I haven’t in quite a while, and it sounds very nostalgic.  (Would you mind if I brought Mordred?  Of course, you’re invited, too, Arthur.)  And I must say, I do love the lion exhibit, and they are quite blonde.  But I would have to avoid the reptile house.  I have a silly fear of falling through the glass and into a boa constrictor’s display.

I’m glad you enjoyed the coins.  I think the beavers are my favorite characters in _The Chronicles of Narnia_.  Though I didn’t mean for you to start abusing the double-headed coin, Sire.  That’s rather unbecoming of you, should you choose to cheat people, even if they are your enemies.  Un-princely conduct, that is.  (Does the apron fit you, Arthur?  It’s the one that matches mine, but Gwen refuses to wear it.  She thinks pink is disgusting, even though the kitten stitched onto yours is far nicer looking, I think.)

Honey toast sounds delicious, even if it is burnt.  And your maroon crayon served you well, I hope.  I am honored that it was used in your letter to me.  If your mum doesn’t get you a new one, I will.

 

Until next time,

Emmy

**Author's Note:**

> It must be destiny that the UK postal service is called "Royal Mail!" :3


End file.
